Contemplating if this should be filed under “Rainy Day Thoughts” but I know I’m not the only one asking these questions. But when an issue needs to be discussed, one thing’s for sure. It is very obvious that we would need Chandler Bing to help us get our points across.
This has been bothering me for a while but I want to point it out. Does it really make one less of a fanboy/fangirl if they talk less about their other fandoms, which is not supposed to be an ‘other’ in the first place?
What made me ask this? Well, 2017 has been a year of realizations for me. The roller coaster ride that I went on this year has been really ridiculous. For a while it felt like I could not breathe, like I was emotionally stuck in a never-ending loop and the air won’t let me scream. I felt trapped in limbo, where I could not even be happy at all. I want to post something, but why can’t the words come out properly? I could let this out now because I am more comfortable now. I stopped blogging here for a while amidst a period of transition: I was chosen to co-blog for Stay Bookish, our thesis is finally done, and I am now an intern for a publishing company. (Yes friends, all of that happened while this blog went a bit dead.)
During that transition period, I got lost. I did not know what my purpose was in the blogosphere. And that came from the name that I gave myself. The Ultimate Fangirl, or do I really deserve to own that title? Originally, it is to justify that I have a lot of fandoms like any other geek. But the name actually comes with a burden: Sure, I blog about my bookish fandoms. What about all of the “other” ones? TV shows, movies, anime, music… all of that. Where does it fit in since I already established this place as a book blog? In short, I had an identity crisis. If I don’t talk about my fandoms enough, does that make me worthy of the title that I chose for myself? Where do I fit it in then? How do I balance posting about books and all my other fandoms? In the same transition period, I really did not feel like writing and reading. It was a bit sad because it just had to happen during my blogiversary. However, with all the stopping and inconsistencies, I did not even bother celebrating it because I didn’t feel like the two year celebration was worth it. This also affected me in contributing at Stay Bookish as well. If I’m not reading, then what do I do? What do I post? If I cannot even stay bookish then what do I talk about at all?
But then after a busy month at the office, and a talk with a co-blogger and a close friend, I slowly realized the adjustments that I needed to do to make things work. I decided to take action and tried something different. During my commute to work, I read from e-books. I also tried watching TV and anime series on my phone. All of that went surprisingly well, because I found myself reading more and I got to catch with the series that I have been wanting to watch since forever. Now all that is left is to actually do something about it and manifest it in my blog.
Now to finally answer the question that lead me to sharing stuff that has been on my chest since this year has hit me in the face: Honestly, screw that. It does not make me less of a fangirl if I don’t talk about a certain fandom more often. I know I am still a part of something, and just bringing up the topic can turn on a button in my brain that will leave me talking for days. The answer is simple: just do whatever floats your boat. Fandoms come and go, but it doesn’t mean they are not loved in the same manner. Being giddy and maybe a bit too over the top when discussing fandoms. That’s me alright. As for my blog, I can post whatever the hell I want. It is my blog, and it is a reflection of who I am. If I can post this and that, then so be it. My brain is as chaotic as my tastes, it is so random that I don’t even know what is coming next. One day, I’m reading books. The next, I’m full blasting anime recommendations. In the next one I am probably lusting about gorgeous book covers. The possibilities are endless, because as long as I am passionate about the topic, I am in for a ride.
If you’re having the same dilemma as me, all I can say is do what makes you happy. I know that there will be more of these in the future, tougher and will take every willpower that I have. Share what you can at your own pace. It also helps that you talk to other people about it, because they can help you figure what it is that you want to find amidst the chaotic crisis you’re facing.
As for me, I know I’m young and I have so much more to contribute. For now, it’s all about these fandoms that make me happy and are a part of what makes me. Yes, I know. It’s been a year that feels like a drought. I do miss posting here more often. So hi, how are you all?